Good men are hard to find – you know that, I know that and Tolu knows that, hence her territorial antics on the day of her friend’s wedding and yet she still fell in love with another. Does it sting more because we know her husband is a pastor? A little but that’s a moot point. The question of how she got here will become clearer at the plot develops but I’m positive it’s an accumulation of close and frequent proximity, inappropriate conversation ( laced with a lot of flirting) and fallacious feelings of neglect from the original lover, in our case Jide.
However, her story isn’t unique. Many married people (within and outside the church) fall into this type of temptation otherwise known as limerence. Tolu’s incessant feeling of wanting to be around Adrian or at the least in constant communication with him, the irrationally positive assessments of his character ( he walks into a room and demands attention, oh he ordered her starter?….big deal), coupled with the fact that she seems to be justifying a relationship which appears toxic and merely superficial are symptoms of limerence, a degenerate form of love. We all do it. We fall in love with the fantasy of a person rather than the reality. However, the prevalence of something, does not make it right, particularly in Tolu’s case.
She needs to get a grip, put that phone down and love on the man that married her.
Will her phone suddenly combust leaving her without any means of contacting Adrian? I hope so but I guess we’ll find out on the next episode of “ButiLoveHim”.
Commentary by Cristine Edusi, Relationships Editor for Valour Magazine and Founder of #PenTalk
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