I have been married for 4 years now and I had my daughter in November 2012, feels like it was only yesterday that I can remember the pain of giving birth. I would, under normal circumstances provide you all with a blow for blow account of the pain, but will spare you all the details; let’s just say that for all those who are planning to have children, you have so much to look forward to.
Having our daughter was the strangest experience of my life, I found out I was pregnant after being told that pregnancy would be something that would be difficult for us. So I did not get the chance or opportunity like most mums, to plan and prepare for pregnancy or even entertain the idea of having a child. It was something I didn’t allow myself to do. I think one of the first things I said when I found out was that “I haven’t saved any money”. This comment in itself can tell you that I am an avid organiser, I plan my life (and my hubby’s) to the finite detail and, well, let me tell you becoming a mummy changed all of that.
Fast forward to now, with a 24 month old princess whose tenacity and determination for life has meant me having to let go of my super planned ways and be a mum. Even as I type it, it reads strange, “be a mum”. I am not completely insane, let me explain, my background is a full time senior manager within an organisation, I run a publications business part time, outside of my day job and I lead a Christian ministry alongside my husband. With all this going on in life I had to step out of myself and re-define my priorities. I had an epiphany.
This “epiphany moment” happened after returning to work from maternity leave, within the first month of constant long hours at work and not seeing my baby I realised this is not the life and what I want for our family. I literally started to stripped back, I refused to work at home after 7pm, I stopped doing business related activities on the weekend, I started to get to work at 8am and ensure I left at 4pm. I basically had an overhaul of my life and I do not regret it one bit. I didn’t stop doing the things I loved, like working and managing my publication business, I simply re-arranged my time so that doing these things didn’t mean missing out on time with my daughter. I think for me the key word, is balance.
“Enjoy your time as a parent, don’t put anything in place of your family, and get rid of the extra stuff”
I am not going to pretend that it has always worked out perfectly mind you, especially as our daughter is super “helpful”. There was a day I went to work early and my husband was due to drop our daughter at nursery before he went to work. I got to work on time and entered a very urgent strategy meeting. Whilst in the meeting I noticed I had several missed calls from my husband and my mum, obviously I was panicked and thought it was a major emergency. What had actually happened is that my “little helper” had moved her daddy’s car keys and oyster card from his bag into my bag. This resulted in me having to leave the strategy meeting, and take a train all the way back to Essex to rescue them. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was not funny in the slightest.
Motherhood is the best feeling in the world, and no, it is not a cliché. There are days my husband and I can feel down and our daughter is laughing and playing around. We just look at each other and remember that life should resemble that a lot more. We need to be more carefree and realise that even if times are hard just let go and enjoy and laugh in times of adversity.
My journey to motherhood has been a long one, I don’t have much advice to give but this is the only thing I will leave with you all.
Words by Bosé Onas
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